This was a fun bait fitting in several of Del-Boy's famous escapades. There were several potentially funny moments that just didn't come off sadly.
From: "Capt Klein Hendelshaus"
Sent: 10/18/10 02:24 PM
Subject: HELP A US ARMY
Dear Friend,
I am interested in your company service.I am Capt Klein Hendelshaus with the US Army troops here in Afghanistan.
Based on the United States legislative and executive decision that we must evacuate Iraq immediately for Afghanistan, Now we are in Afghanistan military base and I will be redeployed back to my country military base soonest, come 2011, Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on the war against terrorism.
On the other hand, I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of 10.2 million USD, which I got from crude oil deal in Iraq . I deposited this money with a Red Cross Agent informing him that we are making contact for the real owner of the money and it is under my power to approve whoever comes forth for the money.
I want to invest the money in a good business as soon as I am redeploy anyway you will advice me on that since I am not a businessperson.I am an American and an intelligence officer for that so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service .I just need your acceptance and all is done.
Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities that are secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you. I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
If you are interested, please send me your personal mobile number so I can call you for further inquiries when I am out of our military network. I am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if no response after 3days I will then search for someone else.
I wait for your contact details so we can go into action. In less than 5days, the money should have been in your position and I will come over for my money. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me because I know that nothing goes for nothing I hope I am been fair to you.
I wait for your full details information:
Your Full Name………
Your Address…………
Your direct Tele Phone…..
Your occupation and Age
Regards,
Capt Klein Hendelshaus
From: "Derek Trotter"
To: "Capt Klein Hendelshaus"
Sent: Mon, 18 October, 2010 9:40:49
Subject: Business Investment Opportunity
Munchengladbach heir Captain Klein,
Your name and address were passed to me by Boycie, a business associate of mine. He tells me you are looking for investment opportunities?
Well I can tell you that you have come to the right place, Trotters Independent Traders are constantly looking for investors in many and diverse projects.
Currently we have several nice little earners on the go: We have a range of bottled water – Peckham Spring – which is starting to take the restaurant market by storm, and a line of luxury toupees and hairpieces imported from Europe . I am also finalising a deal on imported audio visual equipment from Russia (including top of the line ex-army camcorders).
I have many contacts and business associates from all over the world.
Get back to me pronto chief, and this time next year we’ll both be millionaires!
Cushty!
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
Subject: Read Very Carefully and get back to me.
Dear Derek Trotter,
Thanks for getting back to me,I am interested in your company service.I am Capt Klein Hendelshaus with the US Army troops here in Afghanistan.
Based on the United States legislative and executive decision that we must evacuate Iraq immediately for Afghanistan, Now we are in Afghanistan military base and I will be redeployed back to my country military base soonest, come 2011, Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on the war against terrorism.
On the other hand, I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of 10.2 million USD, which I got from crude oil deal in Iraq . I deposited this money with a Red Cross Agent informing him that we are making contact for the real owner of the money and it is under my power to approve whoever comes forth for the money.
I want to invest the money in a good business as soon as I am redeploy anyway you will advice me on that since I am not a businessperson.I am an American and an intelligence officer for that so I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service .I just need your acceptance and all is done.
Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities that are secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you. I will only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored, I just have to be sure whom I am dealing with.
If you are interested, please send me your personal mobile number so I can call you for further inquiries when I am out of our military network. I am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if no response after 3days I will then search for someone else.
I wait for your contact details so we can go into action. In less than 5days, the money should have been in your position and I will come over for my money. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me because I know that nothing goes for nothing I hope I am been fair to you.
I wait for your full details information:
Your Full Name………
Your Address…………
Your direct Tele Phone…..
Your occupation and Age
Regards,
Capt Klein Hendelshaus
Luvvly Jubbly Captain! You know it makes sense.
Right then squire, let's get down to business.
My details are:
Derek Trotter (45)
CEO and President of
Trotters Independent Traders,
Nelson Mandela House,
Peckham,
London,
SE15 5JR
Tel: 01-927-480-49
How do we get started?
Dear Derek Trotter,
First, let me thank you for accepting to do this business with me and i want to assure that everything will be fine as long as you follow my directions. I will only require your absolute trust, confidentiality and assurance that you will not be willing to part of my funds when it eventually arrives your custody. We do not have much time to waste so we need to start up immediately so that we can conclude within the next five to six days.
Again, let me make you understand my power in affecting the transfer of these funds to you. As i have already informed you on how this money is been brought, and i know i have equally informed you on the confidentiality of it deposit. I am in Command of my Unit here,i give orders.I am going to prepare all the necessary legal documents for approval that the money is yours, so everything will be intact on your behalf.
Now let me make you understand how this business is going to be done successfully, Every week, a RED CROSS RELIEF JET flies to Europe from Baghdad to go and collect relief from donors in Europe. I have two of my men as security to the airplane, so after preparing every document on your behalf as the beneficiary of the funds, i will then contact a diplomat here to come seal up the consignment which is with the RED CROSS to the beneficiary in Europe .
Then I want you to know that diplomats run a courier service which is called DIPLOMATIC COURIER SERVICE, this service is meant for transferring hard documents, huge funds and precious stones, and they call it consignment. This consignment will be registered under their service and will be carried with their diplomatic immunity to any country where they have diplomatic grounds and then deliver it to the beneficiary of the consignment on the grounds where they maintain diplomatic immunity.
In this case, the deal will go like this, once i seal up the consignment, I will then register it as a diplomatic consignment Trunk Box to be delivered to the owner in EUROPE. The box of consignment will be registered as HARD DOCUMENTS/ARTIFACT, So that only two of us knows the true content of the consignment.
The Airplane that will airlift the consignment is the RED CROSS JET which equally has the diplomatic immunity to lift such consignments and other hard copies because of the nature of its work. So wherever it lands in Europe then the diplomat will immediately contact you and you will proceed and go receive the consignment from him. It is very simple as long as you follow my instructions,
You should understand that Diplomats are very busy people so they will not be able to tolerate delays, so you must have to be ready so that as soon as they fly into Europe and contact you, then you will be able to meet with the diplomat immediately and claim your consignment. If you cannot be able to meet with him immediately due to your tight schedule, then you can make further arrangements with him to assist you in bringing the consignment to your place.
The Diplomat that work with the Red Cross are very good people and they will be able to assist you on your request but you must have to cooperate with him accordingly. I hope you have understood all about this business and how it is going to be done. So for us to start up immediately, i will need the below information from you:
1, YOUR FULL NAME
2, YOUR CURRENT CONTACT ADDRESS/STATE OF ORIGIN
3, YOUR OCCUPATION AND POSITION
4, YOUR AGE
5, MARITAL STATUS
6, YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBERS
These information will enable me prepare the necessary documents on your behalf as required which will be used to register the consignment on your name. Once i am through with that, i will let you know and i will also send you the copies of the DOCUMENTS which i used in registering you as the beneficiary of the funds. I will also let you know the name and telephone numbers of the Diplomat to enable you contact him once he arrives in Europe .
This is the summary of the legal process involved in this transaction so you can see that it is a straight forward transaction. Like i said all i require from you is your absolute trust, confidentiality and assurance that you will not be willing to part with the funds when it eventually arrives your safe custody.
Finally, i will be updating you as we progress, Please treat this with the secrecy and urgency it deserves, i am counting on you. Let me know whatever you don't understand.
Waiting for your urgent response to enable us proceed immediately.
Regards
Capt Klein Hendelshaus.
Don't be a wally all your life Captain! I've already told you everything you need to know, let's get this thing moving.
Del-Boy
Come on chief, I sent you the details, what are you waiting for?
There's a shipment of Rajah computers due in at the docks tomorrow afternoon - these are top spec kit, used by NASA you know. I have a contact, Denzil, who can keep them under wraps for a couple of days, get back to me sharpish and I can cut you in. You know it makes sense, he who dares wins and all that.
Derek
Subject: Confidential...
Mr Derek,
Thanks for your message.Please note that i have contacted you in good faith and this proposal is for the mutual benefit of the both of us.I have not had access to email for sometime now because i was in the south and came back to the base yesterday.I will like to inform you that all arrangement have been made and ready to be executed and once more i will like to explain to you my intents and plans for this money and what i expect from you.
I decided to contact you because of two reasons.One i am a soldier and we live on the verge of death everyday and that means anything can happen to me here.If that happens the Red Cross will just take the money and reap where they did not sow.Second i contacted you because i want to move over to your country after our service here.This is why i am interested in spending the rest of my life in your country.
When i come to your country,i want to invest in Real Estate unless you have another good business for me where i can invest the money.I am interested in real estate because it is the only business i feel my money shall be save.This means i contacted you to serve as partner in receiving my money and also offering me the best in business.
You should understand that i want a close relationship with you because if anything happens to me here,then you shall take care of my two daughters for me.Hope you understand what i am saying.Sure i am going to buy your properties but they are not enough.You have to locate other properties i have to buy equal to the amount of the money i have and we shall use the money and buy the properties thereby having a legal transfer of the money to you.
We shall have a memorandum of understanding and i will also give you a power of attorney to act on my behalf.This power of attorney shall give you a total leverage to manage my estate for me until i come out of here to meet you with my daughters.Also note that %30 of this money is yours.
The conclusion of this transfer shall require you to go to Spain.Like i said in my former message to you,the money is secured in the diplomatic vault of the Red Cross here in the far east.The moment i finalize with you and you assure me of your ability and sincerity to
handle this,i shall have the money delivered in cash and packaged in a vault to Spain.I shall also contract a diplomat who shall assist in the delivery and transfer of the money.The Red Cross delivery jet is under a diplomatic immunity and therefore we shall have a safe delivery of the vault to Valencia in Spain.The destination is Spain because that is where the Diplomat and the Red cross has an affiliate relationship with a bank from which the transfer of the money shall be made.All you need is to proceed to Spain to meet the diplomat the moment he arrives and he will help you transfer the money into the accounts you shall provide under a diplomatic watch eye and immunity.
Before this,we shall have a preliminary agreement that the money is been used to pay for properties and so it shall be transferred without questions into your account.This arrangement is sealed and without lapses.
If you understand what i mean and ready to pull this through.Please let me know so that we can proceed as the delivery date is scheduled this weekend.
Sgt.K.Reinhard
Whoa there squire! You have rabbited on and on about trust and confidentiality and now you have some Sergeant bleeding Reinhard sending me your emails!
Chateauneuf du pape Captain! I think you'd better explain yourself pronto before I get the proper hump and tell you to sling your hook mate.
I've only been conned once chief and I'll tell you something, that Archie won't be cheating no-one else with his hooky necklaces. You'd better not be pulling a fast one here pal, or you'll be getting the old heave-ho. Know what I mean?
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
Mr Derek Trotter,
Your choice of words sounds so childish and i suggest you find more serious words to write to me.I am a soldier and such lines means trivialities to my professional understanding.If you are not ready to undertake this with me,let me know on time.
I am a German-American and a member of the ISAF here.The ISAF is instituted here to on demand and my command post is that of a Sgt.In the US military where i rightly belongs,i am a Captain.The ISAF is a temporal setting and it is an amalgamation of NATO member countries and the post of a Captain is invincible.I wrote you from the ISAF office yesterday and that was the reason i signed as sgt.
My name is Klein Reinhard Werner.Hendelshaus is a desert and military signal name coined out of my command position in the ISAF.Find attached here a a copy of my Passport for that reference.
Now i want you to express your willingness to undertake this with me because we have no time to waste.
Capt.K.Reinhard
Captain,
Who are you calling childish? If you can't understand the Queen's English then that's no reason to call me names is it? But I'll try and talk slowly so you can keep up.
I don't know what sort of operation this ISAF is but I've never heard of anyone having two different ranks at the same time. I had a word with my Uncle Albert. He's been all over the world with the Royal Navy and fought in more wars than you've had hot dinners and he's never heard of anything like it either. And you could have told me sooner that you were using some kind of code name! Not a very honest start to a partnership if you ask me.
Captain Reinhard, or Werner or Hendelshaus, or whatever your name. I thought you were a plonker - I thought you were a straight, honest and trustworthy guy.
Before I go any further with this deal I need to be sure you aren't taking me for a pasty Klein. I need to be sure you are a plonker.
Are you a plonker Captain Klein?
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
Mr Derek,
Lets not battle with words.It is not good to a man's character.Let me know what you want to make this deal a success.
Capt.K.Reinhard
Captain,
Of course I want to make this deal a success, I just need to know that you are someone I can make a deal with. I am a trusted man in Peckham. You can ask anyone in the Nag's Head or the market and they will tell you that Derek Trotter is a man of his word. My word is my bond Captain. You are a military man so I will accept that you have honour. If you tell me that you a plonker then I will believe you. If you can't give me your word then I can't make a deal with you.
It's a simple question Captain: Are you a plonker?
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
Hello Mr Derek,
How on This earth you will think that am a plonker.please let me tell you,am not here for child plays.if you are not going to handle this deal with seriousness beeter let me know in time before i arrange this fund lift by air through Red Cross.this is future and i dont want to play with it.
let me see your seriousness one more time.
have a nice weekend friend..
Capt.
Captain Klein,
I have told you more than once that I am serious, I'm trying to find out if you are. You keep talking about children and playing and you don't seem to know your own name. It all sounds a bit hooky to me I can tell you.
I have no idea what you think plonker means, but it seems to mean something else over there. A plonker, as I told you before, is someone who is honest and trustworthy. I asked Trigger down the Nag's Head (the cleverest bloke I know) and he told me that it comes from the ancient sport of Plonking that is played at Royal Harrow. From this a "Plonker" - someone who plays "Plonking" - has come to mean a decent chap, someone who is serious and can be trusted. We use this word all the time and I only deal with plonkers.
Anyway Captain, I don't really know what the hold up is anyway. I gave you my numbers, what else do you want? I'm starting to the right hump I can tell you. Can we get a move on? If it will help I've just acquired 50 mobile phones from the Driscoll brothers, you can give me a ring on one of them. This is number on the sticker. 0091-206-309-7331
Come on pal, get your finger out. If you keep messing about I have an offer on some diamonds in Amsterdam that Boycie and Abdul have set up.
Del
My Dear Friend Derek Trotter,
Hope you have a good weekend with your family,Following my previous email. Its good news to inform you that I have succeeded in moving the consignment with a confidential official management arrangement in Spain.
I have entrusted you with my life and future. I want to further let you know that, I take you now as my blood; Do contact the Security Company, as they will cover you with all immunity and be sure you have safely deposited all the money. All you need to do is to follow their instructions and directives, to avoid any official hitch. So that you receive the consignment immediately.
For now we are on 24/7 Counter Surveillance in Northern Iraq. There a truck bomb ran into a mosque, killing over 70 people, and wounding over 200. However I shall be doing my best to email you on the regular. Therefore the same I expect of you.
Do contact the Security Company and conclude arrangement immediately so that you go to Spain within the next 48hours or thereabout. This is important, my dear. We don't need to take chances. Hope you understand.
We need to move very fast, my dear. That is why I had to take that intellectual step to see that this consignment gets to you immediately, as delay is very dangerous. Hope you understand. This is what you should do immediately.
Do email contact and call the the Security Company, with the below contact information;
Contact Name:Mr Dave Ramon
LL&P SECURITIES .SL
C/ RIO MARIANO 65,
28035 MADRID, SPAIN
EMAIL. llp_securi@ozu.es
Tel. direct: - 0034 672 510 875
Fax: - + 011 34 911 414 231.
Opening hours: Monday to Friday - 9.00 am - 7.30 p.m.
Please when contacting the Security Company. Do let them know you are the owner of the consignment with the below reference numbers as follows;
Consignment Reference Number: E0098//S914677809867SACA/09.
Do contact them immediately and let me know. Call them immediately after sending the email to them.
I sincerely count on you always. Never let me down.
Regards,
Captain Klein
From: "Derek Trotter"
To: "Dave Ramon"
Cc: "Capt Klein Hendelshaus"
Sent: Mon, 25 October, 2010 14:47:02
Subject: Consignment
Adegos Mr Dave Ramon,
Now then Dave. Captain Klein told me I had to drop you an email about consignment E0098//S914677809867SACA/09. He said I have to tell you that it's my consignment.
What do we now then Davie?
Just a note for both of you, I'm having to pop up to Hull in the next hour or so where we are hiring a boat to sail over to Amersterdam to pick up that other package I was telling you about (I was telling the captain about I mean, not you Dave). I should be there and back in a couple of days at most but I probably won't be able to be in contact until then, but you can always leave me a message on my new phone.
My brother Rodney had a look at it for me and it seemed to still be set to India (where they are from) but he's managed to switch them to "United States" mode which seems to be working (don't ask me how). Anyway, here's the number, leave me a message, either of you, and I'll get back to you when I can. +1-206-309-7331
Wish me luck.
Bonjoir!
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
Dear Derek,
Write me any email as soon as you come back,please make sure you dont delay.
capt
Ajax to you both from Amsterdam!
Can you believe that dipstick Albert got lost crossing the English Channel! The silly old twonk had to ask direction from an oil rig.
Anyway, we are here in Holland, thought we might have a bit of stuke picking up the diamonds from Van Kleefe, but it was all cushty in the end. Can't chat long, got to head back to blighty to get these back to Abdul.
Captain, I haven't heard anything from Dave Ramon yet, can you give him a nudge then I can get on it once this job is all sorted.
Del
Dear Derek Trotter,
Thanks for your urgent reply,I have been very busy and that is why i have not sent you an email since yesterday. The recent terrorist attack here has mandated us to re-schedule the security coverage and that has taken much of my time.regarding what you are saying about the dipstick Albert that go lost i am very sorry for that,how long are you going to be there in Holland to get everything done.
please i want you to conclude everything with the security company fast.i give you they Mobile phone number.call them on phone and ask them what is keeping them not to reply your email. Do keep me updated and do make sure you inform the security company that you want issues handled within the next 24-48hours, as we do not need to delay any further. Hope you understand this very well.
I sincerely count on you. Do keep me posted accordingly.
Capt k.
From: "Dave Ramon"
To: "Derek Trotter"
Sent: Wed, 27 October, 2010 16:57:48
Subject: Update From LL&P Securities.
Attn, Derek Trotter,
Dear Sir,
Reference to deposited of one trunk box in our custody by a diplomatic
agent sent by Sgt.Klein.Reinhard in our volt centre here in Valencia Spain
.We are pleased to inform you, and you have to let us know when you are
coming for the claim of the deposited trunk box in our custody.
Upon due verification and confirmation of all data as received, LL & P
Securities have made all changes to reflect the new deposited one trunk
box in our custody.
Soon we receive clearance from our accounts and logistics departments, on
or before forty eight working hours from today the 27th of October 2010,
you will be officially informed when and what it takes to take delivery of
your inheritance without delay.
We look forward to have a good working relationship with you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Dave Ramon,
Head of Administration.
Tel/Fax: - + 011 34 911 414 231.
Tel Direct: - 011 + 34 672 510 875.
Valencia, Wednesday 27th october.2010.
Dear Friend,
What is the exact situation, have you called the Security Comapny in Spain?
Do keep me updated, as i am very worried. This consignment is worth my life and future. You must therefore understand the maximum need not to delay in handling issues. I await your reply immediately.
Capt
Voice message
From: "Dave Ramon"
To: "Derek Trotter"
Sent: Fri, 29 October, 2010 8:53:33
Subject: Update From LL&P Securities.
Attn: Derek Trotter,
Dear Sir,
LETTER OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT/CONFIRMATION
The management of LL & P Securities wants to use this medium to officially
welcome you as a client of our company.
That for the release and delivery of the trunk box consignment to you; all
outstanding storage, administrative and handling charges must be paid
before the release of your trunk box.
The total amount to be paid is €8,568.00 (Eight Thousand Five hundred and
Sixty Eighty euro’s only). And you have two options we can deliver to you
at your door step in the United States, or you can come in person here in
our office for the delivery of your consignment.
That the trunk box has all the necessary security code engraved in it.
Sir, you are therefore required to arrive in our office and make cash
payment or we can send you our account for this outstanding storage
charges and take immediate delivery of your trunk box or you contact us on
how you will remit same before your visit to our office.
I am looking forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Mr. Dave Ramon,
Head of Administration.
Tel/Fax: - + 011 34 911 414 231.
Tel Direct: - 011 + 34 672 510 875.
Valencia, Wednesday 29th october.2010.
Adegas Dave,
Arrived back this morning. After that dozy twonk Albert got lost on the way, Rodney had the bright idea to follow the ferry back the Hull. We only ended up in Zeebrugge! In bloody Belgium! ANyway, we followed it back to Hull, and drove back home overnight.
We have to meet with Boycie and Abdul later today to hand over the diamonds and collect our delivery fee, so you'd better send me your account details to make the payment.
Derek Trotter
CEO and President,
Trotters Independent Traders,
New York – Paris – Peckham
PS Dave, I'm in the United Kingdom, not the United States. I'm sure this will reduce the fees considerably as it's much closer to Spain.
Dear Derek,
happy to read your message.So are you going Immediately to spain?please in anything you are doing you have to be fast.i will call you this weekend to hear your voice.
Capt.
Sorry for the delay lads, I had some trouble with Her Majesty's Customs and Excise over the import of the diamonds. Apparently, technically it was theft. I think I've finally squared it all with DCI Slater, it only took a monkey in his back pocket, but I think I'd rather avoid the heat for a little while in case he changes his mind the .
I'll get the first flight I can and email you from the airport tomorrow. Dave, you book me a hotel in Valencia for a couple of nights, maybe a week, that'd be great, and send me the details as soon as. I'm bringing over the 15 grand from the diamond deal before Slater gets his sweaty hands on it, so there'll be plenty for the room after I pay you.
Del
Dave, Captain,
I've been phoning round all morning and managed to get a business class seat on an Iberia plane from Heathrow although I have to change at Madrid.
Flight details pasted below - will someone be meeting me at the airport? I'll check my emails from the airports. How's the hotel looking? (If you can, I'd prefer one with a private safe in the room - the £15K is in cash and I'm a bit leery to keep carrying it around or leave it in the hotel safe, if you know what I mean.)
Cheers,
Derek Trotter
PS. Everything okay over there? I haven't heard much from either of you!
Boarding now. Get back asap.
My Dear Friend,
Sorry i been too busy all this time because of things around here.you have to write them an email and also call them on the phone as soon as you get to spain.please i depends on you for everything.please do not make any mistake.
i will wait to hear from you .
Captain.
Just landed in Madrid using internet at terminal, got to go straight into boarding for next flight. Bloody crap phone from Driscoll brothers not working, can't phone. Didn't get to Bureau De Change so got to pasos for payphone!
Get back to me pronto squire! Should be in Valencia in a couple of hours.
Derek
Attn, Derek Trotter,
Dear Sir,
I received your email, if you are in valencia give me a call and let me
know which hotel you are i will come and see you for the payment and take
you to the vault centre for the delevery of your consignment.
We look forward to have a good working relationship with you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Dave Ramon,
Head of Administration.
Tel/Fax: - + 011 34 911 414 231.
Tel Direct: - 011 + 34 672 510 875.
Dave,
I'm here. What do you mean tell YOU which hotel? I was expecting you to arrange the hotel!
And I already told you I can't phone, my mobile is not making external calls, and I have no Spanish money - I left in something of a hurry as I thought I had made clear.
I'm not happy Dave, not happy at all. I'll give you an hour to pick me up and then I'm going to have to find a hotel that will accept English cash.
Derek Trotter
did you contact them?have you reciver the consigment.get back to me fast.
capt
To: "Dave Ramon"
Dave,
You couldn't even turn up to meet me at the airport, even though I stood waiting for an hour. I'm in the Holiday Inn Express, executive room. I'm going to bed now, meet me in the morning. Just ask for me at reception. Still not happy.
Derek.
To: "Capt. Klein"
I emailed him twice? Three times? He didn't even arrange a hotel room like I asked and then left me at the bloody airport with no Spanish money. Luckily I found a hotel nearby, the Holiday Inn Express, who would take English cash for a room. I'm not waiting for him tonight, I told him to meet me here in the morning.
Not happy with your business associates Captain. I had a feeling you weren't a plonker remember? And this has proved it to me. Half tempted to go straight home tomorrow and forget this whole waste of my time.
Derek
Dear Derek,
I think you are just playing, our security company respact there client
and you don-t just tell me you are here without an appoentiment and no
telephone to reach you even the one in you hotel and your room number we
dont work like that please. If you are the real owen of this consignment
you have be clear. if you are here in valencia send me the name and
telephone number to reach you where ever you are .
Best Regards
Mr. Dave Ramon.
Mr Ramon,
You claim to respect your clients yet you failed to book me a hotel when I explained, quite clearly that for whatever reasons, which are not really your concern, I had to leave London quickly without time to get my money changed or book a hotel room. When I informed you that I was unable to phone you, again for reasons that I do not have to explain to you, you refused to even meet me at the airport and left me stranded in a foreign country with no local currency and no knowledge of the city.
And now you insult me and again ask ME to jump through hoops. Well Captain Klein, I have already explained to you that I only work with plonkers and neither you nor Mr Ramon have proved that are you plonkers. You are both a couple of jokers who have wasted my time and money.
I will ask the desk manager to find me the first flight back to London. I have many more offers and business deals waiting for me that are not with a pair of dipsticks like you. I expect I won't be able to get a flight now until the morning so I will probably be here one more night. I have told you where I am, if you think you can rise to be a plonker Dave, then you know where to find me, but I am tired of being treated like some kind of cheat and liar.
YOU approached ME for help Captain, let's not forget that.
Bonjour to the both of you.
Derek Trotter
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